I'm lost and stupid without you.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
