Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
