NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
