Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
