According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
