Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
