I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
