I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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