im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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