is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
