you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
