Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
