it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
