she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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