the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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