I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
