We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
