Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
