i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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