I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
