**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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