i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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