I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's always time for handjobs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
