so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
