no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
