help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
