Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
