This girl is more easily done than said...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
