I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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