She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
