I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
