i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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