Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
