Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
