For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
