with your own penis?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
