real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
