So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
