So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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