Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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