If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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