How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
