Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
