So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my shit smells like andre
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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