The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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