is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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