So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
