when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
