Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
