I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
