I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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