who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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