..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
