he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
