apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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